Stop Pretending You're a Robot: Why Emotional Intelligence at Work Actually Matters

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Jenny from accounting nearly threw her stapler at Brad from IT yesterday. I watched it happen through the glass partition of my office, and honestly? Part of me was cheering her on.

We've all been there. That moment when your colleague asks "just one quick question" for the fifteenth time today, or when your manager assigns you another "urgent" project that could've waited until next week. Your jaw clenches, your stomach churns, and suddenly you're one passive-aggressive email away from becoming the office villain.

Here's what nobody tells you about emotions at work: pretending they don't exist is professional suicide.

The Great Australian Emotional Shutdown

I've spent the better part of two decades in corporate Australia, from the mining offices of Perth to the tech startups of Melbourne. And the one constant? We're bloody terrible at managing our feelings. We bottle them up like vintage wine, except instead of getting better with age, they turn into workplace vinegar.

The traditional Aussie approach to workplace emotions goes something like this: "She'll be right, mate. Keep calm and carry on." Except it's not right, and we're definitely not keeping calm. We're creating pressure cookers that eventually explode all over our productivity, relationships, and sanity.

I learned this the hard way in 2019.

Back then, I was running a team of twelve at a consultancy firm in Sydney. Great people, brilliant minds, but we were all burning out faster than a tourist's skin at Bondi Beach. My solution? "Everyone just needs to be more professional." Translation: suppress everything and soldier on.

Spoiler alert: it didn't work.

Three resignations, two stress-related sick leaves, and one very uncomfortable HR meeting later, I realised I'd been approaching workplace emotions like a mechanic trying to fix a computer with a hammer. Wrong tool, wrong approach, wrong century.

The Science Bit (That Actually Makes Sense)

Here's where it gets interesting. Research from the University of Sydney found that 67% of Australian workers experience emotional exhaustion at least once a week. But here's the kicker - companies with emotionally intelligent leaders saw productivity increases of up to 23%.

Those aren't feel-good numbers. That's cold, hard business sense.

Emotions aren't the enemy of productivity - they're the fuel.

Think about it. When was the last time you did your best work while feeling frustrated, anxious, or completely overwhelmed? Now contrast that with a time when you felt energised, confident, and genuinely excited about a project. The difference is like comparing a rusty old Holden to a brand-new Tesla.

But we've got this bizarre notion that showing any emotion at work makes you "unprofessional." Meanwhile, the most successful leaders I know - from Atlassian's Scott Farquhar to Canva's Melanie Perkins - are masters at reading, understanding, and channelling emotions. Theirs and everyone else's.

The Four Pillars of Not Losing Your Marbles

After years of trial, error, and more than a few spectacular failures, I've identified four core areas that separate emotional ninjas from workplace disasters:

1. Recognition Before Reaction

Most people think emotional intelligence starts with controlling your feelings. Dead wrong. It starts with actually noticing them before they hijack your behaviour.

I keep what I call an "emotion audit" - sounds wanky, I know, but hear me out. Every hour, I do a quick mental check: What am I feeling right now? Where do I feel it in my body? What triggered it?

Last Thursday, I caught myself feeling increasingly agitated during a budget meeting. Physical sensation: tight shoulders and shallow breathing. Trigger: the endless back-and-forth about decimal points while bigger strategic issues got ignored. Recognition gave me choice. Instead of snapping at the penny-pinchers, I suggested we table the details and focus on the big picture.

Game changer.

2. The Pause That Pays

Between stimulus and response, there's a space. In that space lies your power to choose your response. Viktor Frankl said that, and the bloke survived Nazi concentration camps, so I reckon he knows a thing or two about emotional management under pressure.

The corporate version is simpler but just as powerful. When someone pushes your buttons, you've got roughly 6-10 seconds before your amygdala (the brain's panic button) hijacks your rational thinking. Use them.

My go-to techniques:

• Count to five while breathing deeply
• Ask a clarifying question (buys time and often defuses tension)
• Excuse yourself for a "quick coffee" if needed

This isn't about becoming emotionally flat. It's about choosing your emotional responses instead of letting them choose you.

3. Reframing: The Mental Jujitsu

Every situation has multiple interpretations. Your colleague who keeps interrupting you in meetings might be:

• A disrespectful attention-seeker (your initial reaction)
• Someone with ADHD who struggles with impulse control
• A brilliant thinker who gets excited and wants to contribute
• Someone who learned in a family where you had to fight to be heard

I'm not saying become a mindreader or excuse poor behaviour. But shifting your perspective from "this person is trying to annoy me" to "I wonder what's driving this behaviour" changes everything. It moves you from reactive victim to curious problem-solver.

Reality check: This doesn't always work. Sometimes people are just being dickheads. But assuming positive intent until proven otherwise saves you enormous amounts of emotional energy.

4. Strategic Emotional Expression

Here's where most workplace advice goes completely off the rails. "Don't show emotions at work" is terrible guidance. The right advice is: "Show the right emotions at the right time in the right way."

Passion, enthusiasm, and genuine concern are emotions. They're also what separate memorable leaders from forgettable managers. The trick is expressing them strategically rather than reactively.

Examples of strategic emotional expression:

• Showing measured disappointment when discussing missed deadlines (not anger)
• Expressing genuine excitement about team achievements (not forced enthusiasm)
• Demonstrating calm concern during crises (not panic or false optimism)

The Australian Twist: Cultural Emotional Intelligence

Working in Australia adds another layer to emotional management. We've got tall poppy syndrome, she'll-be-right attitudes, and a deep suspicion of anything that sounds too "American self-help-y."

But here's the thing: emotional intelligence isn't about group hugs and feelings circles. It's about getting better results with less drama. It's about building teams that actually want to work together instead of just tolerating each other.

Take mining culture, for example. Traditional mining operations run on hierarchy, direct communication, and getting the job done safely. Emotions? Not exactly encouraged. But the smartest mining leaders I've worked with understand that recognising stress, managing pressure, and reading team dynamics isn't touchy-feely nonsense - it's safety-critical leadership.

When someone's having an off day emotionally, they make mistakes. In an office, that might mean a poorly worded email. On a mine site, it could mean someone gets hurt.

The Productivity Paradox

Here's what kills me about the "emotions don't belong at work" crowd: they're sabotaging their own productivity. Emotional suppression doesn't make feelings disappear - it just makes them leak out sideways.

Suppressed frustration becomes:

• Passive-aggressive behaviour
• Decreased collaboration
• Increased sick days
• Higher turnover

Suppressed enthusiasm becomes:

• Going through the motions
• Minimum viable effort
• Lack of innovation
• Quiet quitting

Suppressed anxiety becomes:

• Procrastination
• Analysis paralysis
• Micromanagement
• Missed opportunities

The companies winning right now understand this. They're investing in emotional intelligence training not because they're soft, but because they're smart.

Practical Stuff That Actually Works

Enough theory. Here's what you can do Monday morning:

Start small: Pick one emotion you struggle with at work. For me, it was impatience during long meetings. For the next week, just notice when it shows up. Don't try to change it yet - just observe.

Build your vocabulary: Most adults have the emotional vocabulary of a five-year-old. We're "fine," "good," "stressed," or "busy." Start using more specific words. Instead of "stressed," try "overwhelmed," "anxious," "pressured," or "stretched thin." Precision creates awareness.

Find your tells: Everyone has physical signals that emotions are rising. Clenched jaw, bouncing leg, shallow breathing, tension in shoulders. Learn yours. They're your early warning system.

Practice the 24-hour rule: For any email or message written in emotional heat, wait 24 hours before sending. You'll be amazed how often you rewrite or delete completely.

When Things Go Sideways

Because they will. You'll lose your temper, say something you regret, or completely misread a situation. Welcome to being human.

The difference between emotionally intelligent people and everyone else isn't that they never stuff up - it's how quickly they recover.

Own it fast: "I was frustrated and didn't communicate that well. Let me try again."

Learn from it: What was the trigger? What would you do differently? How can you catch it earlier next time?

Move on: Don't turn one emotional mistake into a week-long shame spiral. Learn, adjust, continue.

The Bottom Line

Managing emotions at work isn't about becoming a zen master or pretending everything's wonderful when it's not. It's about becoming more skilful in how you experience, process, and express what you're feeling.

It's practical. It's profitable. It's powerful.

And despite what your inner critic might be telling you right now, it's learnable. I've seen hot-headed tradies become masterful team leaders and anxious analysts transform into confident presenters. The brain is remarkably plastic, emotions are surprisingly trainable, and workplaces desperately need people who can navigate the human side of business.

The choice is yours: keep pretending you're a robot and wonder why your career feels stuck, or start developing the skills that separate good workers from great leaders.

Trust me, your future self will thank you. And so will everyone who has to work with you.

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Looking to develop your team's emotional intelligence? Check out our range of professional development courses designed specifically for Australian workplaces.